I love to take control of my life

Naran

1. Reflect on your life.
2. Find in what situation you blamed others. Forgive them.

Who is the controller of your life?

Is it me? You cannot control your life. If you fall down you will have to go to the hospital. I do not have control. Then what is the meaning of this statement. When I surrender to the Divinity only, I will take control of my life.

Let us go deeper now. I am not the doer and Divine is the doer. This we will accept lovingly.

Here we have to cultivate the habit that you are not the doer. What happens when I am the doer? Everything will be wrong then. But everything goes right when you think that Divine is the doer. When you think that Divine is the doer, there will be surrender.

A tendency to blame others

We always have the tendency to blame others. We say, “I didn’t have proper sleep because my wife always disturbs me,” When there is no power supply we blame the government. When I am hurt in an accident, we say, “I was properly walking but that auto fellow came and hit me”.

In ordinary life, for each and every situation or event we will be blaming others. Who is spoiling me in my life? When you blame others you have to remember that he is also not the doer. Nobody is responsible for this.

When I am not the doer we happily accept that. When your work is blocked or delayed, the divine is waiting for the right time and he is the doer. When you bring this thinking you can take control of your life.

“My Mother is the cause of my husband’s death”, a case history

One mother and daughter are there. Daughter is married and more than 45 years old, living in a foreign country. About five years back her father expired. The mother has three daughters and all are away.

Mother used to disturb the daughters telling that somebody has to come and look after her. In their caste only the daughter has to look after the mother it seems. I asked the daughter to cut the cord (between the mother and her).

One day, the mother asked the daughter, “Suppose if your husband dies, whether you will come back to me”. The son-in-law died after three months. From then on the daughter could not forgive her mother at all. Whenever she sees her mother she becomes angry. But that lady is a philosophical lady.

The daughter came to me and told that even after taking the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Willow she could not be alright. I told her that Holly and Willow say to you that you have to change your attitude.

When you say that you are not the doer, then you think that your mother is also not the doer. Keep chanting. “I am not the doer, she is not the doer and Divine is the doer”. After chanting this for one hour her heart became lighter. For the next two days she was chanting this and she became completely alright.

Till such time you are blaming others you are not in control of your life. So, whatever may be the problem, think that the Divine is the doer! The problem will be solved automatically. Then only you can take control of your life. 

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Goal is to find harmony and happiness

“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda

Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?

In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown,  one either feels angry or feels  depressed  or worried.

What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?

If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself?  Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.

If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.

How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?

1. Ask a simple question to yourself.  What do I want?
2. What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
3. What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
4. On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?

If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.

But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.

In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.

If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.

The disadvantages of being in a state of victim

The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.

A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim.  Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?

• Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
• Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.

Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.

This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.

We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.

Inappropriate Love

Grace

Some time ago I explained to you about some sexual harassment that I was suffering, from near my home. You asked me to forgive them and it worked. They are no longer around blocking my path.

Unfortunately now – post clearing resistance to love – one of them has decided he is in love with me. Naran please help me I do not want this!

I feel like this may have been why I originally created the tendency not to receive love from people to avoid unwanted advances. This man is too old for me and not at all what I had in mind.

Please help me! I do not want to receive love from inappropriate places. I want to continue to be open to receiving love that does not make me feel bad.

Naran

Do the forgiving exercise for this man.

Say “I thank you old man for keeping away from me” three times daily.

Grace

Okay. I will do. What is the root cause of this? I feel I am always in this type of situation. It makes me become a separatist. I’m tired of it!

Naran

Grace, let us NOT think about why this is happening (and allow our ego to play games).

Heal as and when the situation arises. Release all your anger and resentment.

You can take a paper and write down your anger stories. Go on writing without reading what you wrote. Burn the paper or dip the paper in water and tear it.

Do the same for the second day and so on, until you feel that there is nothing to write.

Grace

I want to let you know that the man who was bothering me has lessened his advances. This is unprecedented. I will continue to thank and forgive until it stops.

I have not yet done the writing out exercise but I will try soon. Step by step everything is working.

Purpose of giving the forgiving exercise to Grace

Naran

A couple of questions had come to me asking why they should ask for forgiveness, when others have done the mistake.

I hope the above story will convince you now. Anyway, I will offer some explanation here.

Don’t take any words literally (I will post few articles on this topic).

When we do the forgiving exercise, we break off from our problem situation.

Otherwise, our thoughts and feelings about the situation – I mean our connection to the problem situation, will sustain it further.

You Can Change Your Spouse

Ms. M

My husband has been having extra marital affairs with many women (about 14 to date) for the past 12 years. He gets into a rage when I question him. He sees 3 women on diff days. He makes me miserable and depressed.

He runs his own business. All his customers/friends cover up and book the hotels on their name for him. He tells me he is at a meeting but goes and sleeps with women.

He has divorced me last year and blames me all the time but we are living together for my kids’ sake. He compares me to other women and makes me insecure. He tells me that he can find many super models and sleep with them and I can’t do anything because we are divorced.

I got nothing; I resigned from work last year because I had a nervous breakdown. He is having a complete makeover even to the extent of skin whitening. My in-laws hate me and they’ve been doing black magic to me because they want everything I worked hard for. They are responsible for him being that way. They encourage him to do wrong and they turn my kids against me. My mother-in-law puts things in the food for us to fight but my ex doesn’t see it.

I pray so hard for all those women to get caught with him but I feel I’m not winning. All I want is my husband, kids, peace and happiness back. He must stop sleeping around. Pls help me.

Naran

Don’t see anything outside. See within.

Address your emotions. The same emotional state will bring the same results outside. Without changing your state of mind, you cannot affect an iota of change outside in anybody.

Only higher emotions like forgiveness, love will help you.

Your present emotional state, every second alters your inside chemistry and your nervous breakdown vindicates that.

When do our nerves (communication channel) break down? When you ignore the message of the body? You have a nervous breakdown because you are unable to bear what is happening around you.

But your body wants you “to bear”, to endure”. Endurance only will bring in what you want.

Having vengeance will bring in more vengeance. Having hatred will make others hate you more.

“Can they not be taught a lesson?” This thought will teach “you” a lesson.

“Will they not change?” The body asks back to you, “Will you not change?”

“Will I not win?” Win yourself first. Win your emotions and thoughts first. Evolve with higher emotions. You will win.

Life is not a war to win or lose. Life is love – giving and receiving – transaction of love. Give even when you don’t receive. Think anything as an issue to be handled with love. Bring peace to the war going on within.

This alone will help you. Concentrate on something else.

Chant “QUIET MIND, OPEN HEART, RELAX”, daily 1000 times.

Why this Discrimination against Girls?

Menaka

I have a general question. Ladies is facing plenty of problems in life from childhood. Gents are also facing but less compared to ladies.

From childhood a girl should be safe in all areas of life. If married responsibilities increases.

Also, hearing bad words under circumstances, if marriage is delayed, child-birth is delayed. Society will say that a girl is unlucky.

I have said only examples and many more are there. For example, at the age of 45 also a boy is married as a first marriage / second marriage. But, in case of ladies how many are ready to marry a girl at the age of 45, for the same first marriage/second marriage.

Is it a curse to be born as a girl? Girls are equal to boys and studying well, earning etc. But, in particular cases enjoying less freedom in the society, compared to boys.

Just remembering these words of Mahatma Gandhi: “We get full independence only when a girl can walk in the midnight wearing plenty of jewels and safe in all aspects”.

After so many years of independence also it has not been fulfilled. Tomorrow is an Independence Day (for India) and hence this question.

Naran

Thank you.

Why should I see and feel sorry for the problems? Or why don’t I see the good in the same society and feel happy.

Whatever is happening in the world is just an event. We judge any event by categorizing it as bad or good.

We are not taught to see good in bad too.

When anything happens to our dislike or when anything disturbs our peace, fill up that event with love by just chanting “FORGIVE LOVE THANK TOGETHER BE DIVINE”.

Forgiving the person will make you think that every person is directed by the Divine will. If every person is directed by God, why should I meddle with the divine will? I extend my love to him. If I can send the energy of love from the heart which is open because of forgiveness, I thank the Divine for this revelation – new thinking.

Thanking any person – a state of gratitude – unites your mind with the Divine. You will BE one with the Divine flow – TOGETHER BE DIVINE and be blessed.

My student is suffering from knee stiffness

One of my students, aged 59 years, is suffering from severe knee stiffness on her right knee. Sometimes it shifts to left knee too.

She has already learnt Reiki in Bombay. She has also learnt pranic healing.

Which mantra, or which Bach Flower Remedy can be given to her. She is already taking allopathic medicine. Can you please suggest?

Ganga Eswaran

There is an Ayurvedic product Danvantri Kulambu, sold in Ayurvedic shops. Ask her to apply it, daily on the knees and wash it with hot water after half an hour.

In addition, she needs to do the following:

1. Knees: (ask her to question within herself) in which areas of life she is inflexible?

Love is more important than any principles.

Let her chant, “Let divine love manifest within and around me”.

2. Let her take Bach flower remedies “ROCK WATER WALNUT HORNBEAM”.

3. Ask her to extend her thanks to her parents.

If she does not have good relationship with her parents, ask her to do the forgiving exercise.

Naran

Explanation

Rock Water: to reduce stubbornness and be flexible. Instead of living by principles alone, lead the life with Love

Walnut: move on with life, instead of getting stuck up with something or some emotion

Knees: will get affected if we have issues with parents. Issue with Mother will affect left knee and issue with father will affect right knee.

Refer this link to know more on how body is affected by our emotions and thoughts: http://healbymindbodymessages.wordpress.com/

Forgiveness Exercise: if you (Raju) have to forgive your mother then affirm, “I Raju forgive you my mother.  Please forgive me and release me”. Please note that this will release the anger about the concern person and not the relationship itself.