Goal is to find harmony and happiness

“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda

Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?

In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown,  one either feels angry or feels  depressed  or worried.

What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?

If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself?  Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.

If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.

How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?

1. Ask a simple question to yourself.  What do I want?
2. What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
3. What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
4. On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?

If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.

But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.

In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.

If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.

The disadvantages of being in a state of victim

The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.

A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim.  Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?

• Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
• Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.

Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.

This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.

We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.

Getting Ready for the Next Job

Reply to Suja by Naran S. Balakumar

Read your mail.

You have not received a job offer yet, in spite of having completed your post-graduation as a rank holder nine months ago. I know that you have done your diploma in Business Management too.  Congratulations!

You have mentioned that you are feeling frustrated, dejected, getting angry, as well as blaming god and others for your situation. Given the situation this is the normal reaction we can expect from anyone.

Think Differently

What did you learn in your Management course? One has to think differently to find a solution. Therefore, think differently. Find out whether your thoughts and feelings are energizing you or they are draining you. These feelings will not only keep you in the same state of not getting a job, but will make your life stagnate too.

Get Into the State of Employment  

Since you are a mathematics student, I will explain this in the form of a mathematical equation.

X = Y + 10, where X is the event of not getting a job and Y is your present state of mind. You do not have a direct influence over X. But, you can change Y into Y-1 or Y-2., which will in turn affect and change X. I mean, if you change your state of mind (Y), X cannot remain the same. Because Y has changed, X has to change too. Thus a state of unemployment will change into a state of employment. 

Utilize the Lean Period

Think differently. You have to utilize this dark period. Accept that this period is necessary for you. May be the learning is not yet over for you. Academically it may be over. But, learning has to be continued. Learn something new in this period. You need not pay for a course. You can pick up lot of stuff from Internet. Learn something more about subjects that are allied to your specialisation. Enjoy the interviews that come your way. You will learn what you don’t know. Fill up those gaps. Learn to listen.

Increase your self-esteem

You can learn a lot by observing people. Learn to understand your existing relationships – with your family members, friends, and relatives. Move with them closely, express and communicate with love as if you were meeting them for the first time and as though this would be the last time you are going to meet them. Contribute something to them lovingly. Help them in any manner you can. It need not be financial. This will boost your self-confidence and enthusiasm. Normally one feels confident and enthusiastic only after getting the job. Now, you are acquiring this state before getting the job.

Period of Relaxation

This will also make you a better person. You will learn how to relate to your colleagues and superiors. When you are ready to learn anything new, then this period would become a period of relaxation, instead of a period of frustration.

Self-Mastery is the Key

Learn about yourself. Understanding your mental state will be highly beneficial. Write a journal of the emotions you are feeling for one week. Also write about your reactions to events as well as your behavior. Watch your emotions and thought patterns. Put everything in writing. To your surprise, you will find a pattern in your behavior. This is your mental state in the past. This is going to be the mental state for your future if you don’t make changes to yourself. Circumstances may change. Events may change. But this is you.

Fulfillment At last

Therefore, utilize this period to effect a change where necessary. Release what you don’t need and develop more what you need. This self-rectification will help you in self-actualization. Self-actualization is nothing but self-fulfillment in life. Job is offered by god. The employer is only a tool. God is your employer. He will always do what is right and is required by you.

Chant OM NAMO BAGAVATHE.

Best of luck

Naran S Balakumar

Learn how the Lord works!!!

Don’t forget to read till the last line please!!!

Once there was a sweeper in the Well Known temple and he was very sincere and devoted. Every time he saw thousands of devotees coming to take darshan of the Lord, he thought that the Lord is standing all the time and giving darshan and He must be feeling very tired. So one day very innocently he asked the Lord whether he can take the place of the Lord for a day so that the Lord can have some relief and rest. The Deity of Temple replied, “I do not mind taking a break. I will transform you like myself, but you must do one thing. You must just stand here like me, smile at everyone and just give benedictions. Do not interfere with anything and do not say anything. Remember you are the deity and you just have faith that I have a master plan for everything.” The sweeper agreed to this.

The next day the sweeper took the position of the deity and a rich man came and prayed to the Lord. He offered a nice donation and prayed that his business should be prosperous. While going, the rich man inadvertently left his wallet full of money right there. Now the sweeper in the form of deity could not call him and so he decided to control himself and keep quiet.

 Just then a poor man came and he put one coin in the Hundi and said that it was all he could afford and he prayed to the Lord that he should continue to be engaged in the Lord’s service. He also said that his family was in dire need of some basic needs but he left it to the good hands of the Lord to give some solution. When he opened his eyes, he saw the wallet left by the rich man. The poor man thanked the Lord for His kindness and took the wallet very innocently. The sweeper in the form of the Deity could not say anything and he had to just keep smiling.

 At that point a sailor walked in. He prayed for his safe journey as he was going on a long trip. Just then the rich man came with the police and said that somebody has stolen his wallet and seeing the sailor there, he asked the police to arrest him thinking that he might have taken it. Now the sweeper in the form of Deity wanted to say that the sailor is not the thief and he could not say and he was greatly frustrated. The sailor looked at the Lord and asked why he an innocent person is being punished. The rich man looked at the Lord and thanked Him for finding the thief. The sweeper in the deity form could no more tolerate and he thought that even if the real Lord had been here, he would have definitely interfered and hence he started speaking and said that the sailor is not the thief but it was the poor man who took away the wallet. The rich man was very thankful as also the sailor.

 In the night, the real Lord came and He asked the sweeper how the day was. The sweeper said, “I thought it would be easy, but now I know that your days are not easy, but I did one good thing.” Then he explained the whole episode to the Lord. The Lord became very upset on hearing this whereas the sweeper thought the Lord would appreciate him for the good deed done.

 The Lord asked, “Why did you not just stick to the plan? You had no faith in me. Do you think that I do not understand the hearts of all those who come here? All the donation which the rich man gave was all stolen money and it is only a fraction of what he really has and he wants me to reciprocate unlimitedly. The single coin offered by the poor man was the last coin he was having and he gave it to me out of faith. The sailor might not have done anything wrong, but if the sailor were to go in the ship that night he was about to die because of bad weather and instead if he is arrested he would be in the jail and he would have been saved form a greater calamity. The wallet should go to the poor man because he will use it in my service. I was going to reduce the rich man’s karma also by doing this and save the sailor also. But you cancelled everything because you thought you know my plan and you made your own plans.”

 God has plans and justice for everyone….we just have to have patience…………

 – From an email sent by MM Elango

We always do everything partially. We believe in God. We have trust in God. We have bakthi.  But nothing is total. We say we are surrendering. Only one part of the mind surrenders. The other parts will doubt and prevent our total surrender.

When we have total surrender we accept what is happening and when we accept instead of resisting, God’s plan is revealed. When you totally surrender, you will not question anything but witness anything that is happening.

Is it possible to reach that stage? I don’t know. But we have to try and keep on trying.

Daily Pray, “Let all parts of my mind surrender”. With this intention, chant the mantra, “Om Hum Namaha”. Hum is the bija mantra which will make one to surrender to god. All the inflexible resisting doubting parts will join the surrendering part. 

When you wake up in the morning say, “This is the God-given day. Whatever I do, I do it for him.”

Naran

My child is attached to my mother-in-law

In this world there are four rules:

• You don’t get what you desire or what you want.
• You get what you don’t desire or what you don’t want.

In between these two rules, how to create what we want?

• To get what you want, accept what you get. When you accept what you get, you like what you get.
• When you like what you get, you get what you want.

A case history

Radha

My in-laws came here last Sunday. From the day they came here, my three-year old daughter Hema wants all her work to be done by my mother in-law. That actually doesn’t bother me.

However, I like to sleep with Hema. It so happened today that she wants to sleep with my MIL, instead of sleeping with me. I felt really bad that Hema does not understand my feelings and is avoiding me. I felt, ‘Am I not giving enough love to her?”

My MIL feels really happy when Hema ignores me and says that she wants to be with my in-laws.

Now I’m hurt that Hema is totally ignoring me and doesn’t want to sleep with me!

Naran

There is no motive for any child to behave rudely. It is natural that all the children want to be with their grand parents. Go to my blog and read the story of Mangala on Bach Flower CD:  http://healbymeditation.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/meditation-on-bach-flowers/

Allow the child to be as she is. The more and more you want your child to be with you, at the same time have a grudge against your mother in law the child will be drawn to her only.

• Chant the switch words, “Together Divine”
• Also, take the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Chicory. Give it to your MIL also. Put Walnut and Willow in the common water.
• Tap on yourself (all the points) continuously whenever you find time and affirm, “I accept totally what is happening to me. Love Thanks Divine.”

Suffering mentally is optional. Whenever we accept what is happening, we get a new meaning to our life and at the same time, whatever we wish will happen automatically.

Radha

When my MIL laughs and speaks that my kid is very much attached to her rather than me, then I get the grudge on her. She has once told our family members, in front of me, that she wants my kid to be attached to her rather than me. I was hurt with her words. You may think that I’m blaming her. This is the fact and this is how she spoke.

Anyhow let me try chanting the affirmations and let you know.

Naran

What we do normally when we are wounded or hurt. We may grudge, blame, curse dislike and become furious. All these emotions get outside our auric field, get clogged in the atmosphere and influence or affect us because we draw the same energy from the atmosphere.

Moreover constant and consistent undesirable emotions of this type may travel and join similar emotions in the world, paving way for violence, murder etc. Thus, we contribute indirectly to the violent world outside. Do you want to hold on to these emotions?

Another way is just to accept and ignore wherever possible, the comments made by your MIL.

Affirm to yourself, “Hurting others is her (MIL) nature. Loving and becoming lovable (whatever may be the provocation) is my nature”. If you practise this (very difficult), she will also change.

Changing yourself should be your goal. Take it as a challenge.

Do a lot of forgiving exercise. This will give you more power.

Take the remedies. You will understand.

Moving in the Right Direction

The following discussion happened between Kumar and Naran a couple of years back on how to be successful and happy in both family front and work-front.

Kumar

Even though I am doing well in the job front like getting due recognition and awards for the work done, somehow I do not feel cheerful or happy about anything.

Neither the stuff at home seems to be going in the right direction. My wife is worried about our children because of their indifference and inadequate efforts towards their education and life in general.

I am not in my best of my abilities. Need to get back to Flowers, Reiki and Affirmations. Somehow, I would like to see myself getting back to my rhythm.

Naran S. Balakumar

It is the nature of mind to keep you either down or up. Understand and believe that you are not your mind. Rise up.

We all have taken birth as per the Divine Will and by Divine order.

Our Family, our Friends and our Environment always teach us. Every relationship is a blessing and we have to rise through these relationships. Everybody is there in your life, as per the divine order and we should try to love and heal them and make them come up in the ladder of life. Whether they come up or not it is their choice. Do not have expectations about anybody. Your children will definitely come up in their life – but in their own way.

Fill up your mind with enthusiasm and believe that everything happens as per the divine order. When you believe that whatever happens is not good for you, chant (daily) the Switch Words, ” TOGETHER FIND DIVINE ORDER BE NOW DONE”. This will put you back in life.

Using switch words is nothing but accepting and surrender. We do not know what will happen and we will be surprised at the turn of events after chanting.

Feedback from Kumar

I have started chanting from last night. It was a great feeling of relief and clarity. I read it to my wife and she is chanting too.

Story of Valmiki

Valmiki chanted Mara, but ended up as a greatest writer in India of all times.

He started his life as a thief — looting and feeding his family. He felt that he was protecting them and doing his duty. He was about to steal from Narada too, who questioned him on his stealing ways.

Narada: Why do you steal?

Valmiki: It’s my duty to protect my family. I know only to steal.

Narada: By killing others you are acquiring lot of bad karma. Go and ask your family members whether they can take part any of your karma.

(Valmiki goes to his family)

Valmiki: Can any of you take part of my karma that I have incurred due to my stealing habits.

Valmiki’s Mother: I didn’t know anything about the bad things you were involved in. Therefore, in no way I can be part of it.

(The other members of his family replied in similar lines)

Valmiki (to Narada): Nobody is willing to take part of it. What’s the salvation for me then?

Narada: Chant Rama Nama, 24 hrs a day.

Valmiki chanted Mara as he heard Rama as Mara. He chanted for many years to come. A pit formed over him. People heard only the sound. When he came out of his meditation, he wrote the famous epic Ramayana.