“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda
Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?
In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown, one either feels angry or feels depressed or worried.
What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?
If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself? Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.
If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?
- Ask a simple question to yourself. What do I want?
- What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
- What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
- On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?
If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.
But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.
In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.
If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.
The disadvantages of being in a state of victim
The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.
A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim. Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?
- Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
- Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.
Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.
This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.
We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.
In this world there are four rules:
- You don’t get what you desire or what you want.
- You get what you don’t desire or what you don’t want.
In between these two rules, how to create what we want?
- To get what you want, accept what you get. When you accept what you get, you like what you get.
- When you like what you get, you get what you want.
A case history
My in-laws came here last Sunday. From the day they came here, my three-year old daughter Hema wants all her work to be done by my mother in-law. That actually doesn’t bother me.
However, I like to sleep with Hema. It so happened today that she wants to sleep with my MIL, instead of sleeping with me. I felt really bad that Hema does not understand my feelings and is avoiding me. I felt, ‘Am I not giving enough love to her?”
My MIL feels really happy when Hema ignores me and says that she wants to be with my in-laws.
Now I’m hurt that Hema is totally ignoring me and doesn’t want to sleep with me!
There is no motive for any child to behave rudely. It is natural that all the children want to be with their grand parents. Go to my blog and read the story of Mangala on Bach Flower CD: http://healbymeditation.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/meditation-on-bach-flowers/
Allow the child to be as she is. The more and more you want your child to be with you, at the same time have a grudge against your mother in law the child will be drawn to her only.
- Chant the switch words, “Together Divine”
- Also, take the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Chicory. Give it to your MIL also. Put Walnut and Willow in the common water.
- Tap on yourself (all the points) continuously whenever you find time and affirm, “I accept totally what is happening to me. Love Thanks Divine.”
Suffering mentally is optional. Whenever we accept what is happening, we get a new meaning to our life and at the same time, whatever we wish will happen automatically.
When my MIL laughs and speaks that my kid is very much attached to her rather than me, then I get the grudge on her. She has once told our family members, in front of me, that she wants my kid to be attached to her rather than me. I was hurt with her words. You may think that I’m blaming her. This is the fact and this is how she spoke.
Anyhow let me try chanting the affirmations and let you know.
What we do normally when we are wounded or hurt. We may grudge, blame, curse dislike and become furious. All these emotions get outside our auric field, get clogged in the atmosphere and influence or affect us because we draw the same energy from the atmosphere.
Moreover constant and consistent undesirable emotions of this type may travel and join similar emotions in the world, paving way for violence, murder etc. Thus, we contribute indirectly to the violent world outside. Do you want to hold on to these emotions?
Another way is just to accept and ignore wherever possible, the comments made by your MIL.
Affirm to yourself, “Hurting others is her (MIL) nature. Loving and becoming lovable (whatever may be the provocation) is my nature”. If you practise this (very difficult), she will also change.
Changing yourself should be your goal. Take it as a challenge.
Do a lot of forgiving exercise. This will give you more power.
Take the remedies. You will understand.
Valmiki chanted Mara, but ended up as a greatest writer in India of all times.
He started his life as a thief — looting and feeding his family. He felt that he was protecting them and doing his duty. He was about to steal from Narada too, who questioned him on his stealing ways.
Narada: Why do you steal?
Valmiki: It’s my duty to protect my family. I know only to steal.
Narada: By killing others you are acquiring lot of bad karma. Go and ask your family members whether they can take part any of your karma.
(Valmiki goes to his family)
Valmiki: Can any of you take part of my karma that I have incurred due to my stealing habits.
Valmiki’s Mother: I didn’t know anything about the bad things you were involved in. Therefore, in no way I can be part of it.
(The other members of his family replied in similar lines)
Valmiki (to Narada): Nobody is willing to take part of it. What’s the salvation for me then?
Narada: Chant Rama Nama, 24 hrs a day.
Valmiki chanted Mara as he heard Rama as Mara. He chanted for many years to come. A pit formed over him. People heard only the sound. When he came out of his meditation, he wrote the famous epic Ramayana.