“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda
Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?
In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown, one either feels angry or feels depressed or worried.
What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?
If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself? Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.
If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?
- Ask a simple question to yourself. What do I want?
- What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
- What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
- On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?
If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.
But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.
In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.
If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.
The disadvantages of being in a state of victim
The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.
A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim. Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?
- Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
- Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.
Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.
This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.
We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.
Every time we forgive someone,
We talk the language of God
We activate our own divine part.
It also helps others to see us in a new light.
If there is no forgiveness, then there is no understanding.
If there is no understanding, then there is no healing.
If there is no healing, then you will remain incomplete forever.
Anger breeds anger. We can understand that with the help of the story of Drona – the greatest teacher in archery and who lived in ancient India.
Drona and prince Droupada studied together in the same gurukulam (school). They learnt from the same guru. While Drona was poor, Droupada was the son of a king. But, they were very good friends.
After their gurukulam was over, Droupada went to rule his kingdom. Drona got married and had a son by name Asuvatama. They were so poor, that they didn’t have money to buy milk for their son. They would mix flour in water and give it to him.
Drona’s wife asked him to approach king Droupada. Drona approached the king, who insulted him saying, “You are a poor Brahmin. Those days are gone. I am the king of entire Panchala Desam now. Don’t expect any favours from me”.
Drona became so angry that he wanted to wreak vengeance. He searched for a job. He got a job to teach archery to Pandavas. After the training was over, it was time for offerings to guru Drona. He asked Arjuna to defeat Droupada, tie him to the wheel of his chariot and bring him to Drona.
Arjuna Defeats Droupada
Arjuna defeated the king and brought him to Drona. He told Droupada, “You insulted me. See what happened to you now”.
Drona took the southern part of Panchala.
Was the incident over after this?
Droupada challenged that he will beget a son, through whom he will kill Drona. He did a penance to beget a son by name Drishtithyumna.
So many years elapsed. Just before the great Gurushetra war began, Dharmar (the head of Pandavas) – the eldest brother of Arjuna, prostrated to Drona – who was in the side of Gouravas – enemies of Pandavas, and sought his blessings.
Drona informed him, “Had you not come, you would have lost the battle. I will tell you the secret of killing me. If I receive any sad news, I will give up the battle. Ask somebody to kill me then”. Dharmar passed this info to Krishna.
During the battle, elephant Asuvatama was killed. Krishna spread the news saying that Asuvatama was killed in the battle. When Drona heard this, he asked Dharmar – who always spoke the truth. Krishna blew the conch at that time, making sure Drona did not hear anything except “Asuvatama killed”. Immediately Drona, threw his weapons away, and sat on the ground. Drishtithyumna reached him and cut his head.
Asuvatama Takes Revenge
Asuvatama came to know about this, and decided to take revenge against Pandavas. Pandavas were sleeping in the night then. He killed all the children of Pandavas.
Arjuna made a vow that he would kill Asuvatama. Eventually Asuvatama was defeated in the battle and was brought in front of Krishna. Krishna said, “Don’t kill Asuvatama, but forgive him instead”. His crop of his hair was removed by Arjuna and he was pardoned as Krishna requested for.
Asuvatama got angry and charged Pandavas with Brhmastram (it’s like an atom bomb). Abhimanyu’s wife was pregnant then. Krishna saved the child with his Sudarsana Chakra. His name was Parikshit.
Krishna got angry with Asuvatama and cursed him by saying, “You have so much revenge in your mind that you should live in this world without a company, with no body to talk to, have no food or water, for next three thousand years”.
The revenge acts mentioned above are nothing but the acts of the mind. Isn’t it? It’s the nature of the mind to get angry and take revenge. The nature of Soul is to forgive, love and be in divine nature.
The Forgiveness Exercise
We might say there is some bad energy residing in the house. Hearing this, the house will get hurt. So affirm, “I Tom forgive you Golden Gates Apartments. Please forgive me and release me”.
We would have commented about somebody behind their back. That’s also a form of anger. So affirm, “I Tom forgive you Vivek. You forgive me and release me”.
“Release me” statement is important, as we are habitual in nature and we have to release that pattern. This forgiveness is nothing breaking the pattern – both our thinking patterns and thus our behaviour patterns.
Whenever you are angry about somebody, do this exercise. We have to chant like a mad person until relationship becomes good. In the last Janma we would have fought with them or others and so we repeat the same pattern. The persons are different and the events are different, but the emotions remain the same.
You can do this for good relationships too. The relationships will be strengthened in the process.
Dare 2 Do IT! (The forgiveness exercise)
The Besant Nagar Laughter Club followed this technique. They found it very helpful to them.