Why can’t I be happy?

Client

I had been trying out all the mantras and switch words you had suggested to me. I had been religiously taking the remedies you had recommended. Yet I am not seeing the results I want.

I still don’t have a good job.  My marriage is in shambles. Neither my parents nor my in-laws are happy about me.

Luckily, I am yet to have kids. Otherwise, I am afraid they will be cursing me too.

My simple question to you is, “Why can’t I be happy and lead a satisfactory life-like others?”

Sorry! I am feeling very skeptical here and feeling much disappointed too.

Naran

A Few questions to you first

What is “Thanks”?

What is “Acceptance”?

Why should we accept everything totally – whether what is happening in our life is to our liking or not?

When I am lucky…

I want.

I pray.

I get what I want.

I thank the Divine.

But I forget to pray for others who have not got because of my getting.

When I am not lucky…

I want.

I pray.

But, I am denied.

I feel sad or angry instead of thanking for not getting what I want.

In other words, I am resenting the gift to someone.

This sadness of anger over my not getting is truly resenting others and denying the Divine Order by violating the quantum law:  “All is one. One is all”.

Why can’t I be unhappy, when I fail, you may ask?

When I resent or feel sad, I cannot receive when my turn comes (yes! it comes to you one day for sure).

Therefore, when I am denied, I accept and thank god for giving to someone.

I thank God, because my prayers got someone what he wanted.

Denial to me is a gift to someone who needs more than me.

So I Thank the Divine

Let me feel happy about it.

Let me accept it.

With OPEN HEART and QUIET MIND, I ACCEPT and THANK the DIVINE for anything and everything in my life.

I thank when I receive.

I thank when I am denied, while others receive.

So I Thank the Divine in Advance, for one day, my wants will be fulfilled, my prayers will be answered, and I will receive the gifts I desire as I have understood today that my acceptance and attitude of gratitude at any stage will get me everything, when my turn comes.

Fear manifests what we do not want

Madhu

There is always a saying that marriages are made in heaven. Is that true?

And if so then why there is negativity like divorce, extramarital, and even more than that?

I am very much afraid of this issue as it’s a lifelong decision and relationship.

Is there any switch word which all can chant to have a successful, happy and respected marital life either love or arranged.

Any switch words that can keep harmony not only in couple but also between two families because sometimes we see that due to family distances, fights arise.

And also anything after which there should not be any regression about marriage decision?

I know you are the only one who can clear my questions and hope so many people wants know it.

Naran

Fear is hallucination.

Fearing about something is happening in the mind only.

The mind is unable to perceive the future and therefore indulges in thoughts that produce fear.

Instead of becoming inquisitive, the mind pushes you in fear or in darkness.

What is this fear? Fear manifests the very same event which we do not want.

Understand that every emotion has got individual consciousness.

Fear is born because future is unknown. Anything unknown is darkness. Darkness – fear – will be no more, when there is light.

When the fear appears, think that it needs light. Say, “Fear SET FREE, OPEN, ALIGN yourself with the LIGHT and RELAX me.”

Read again and again all the answers and blog postings and meditate on each and every answer.

You will know everything that you need to know.

Too much of thoughts – unwanted thoughts – obsess you and you have forgotten to listen. Listening happens when we become silent and Truth will reveal itself when we introspect.

It is not my reply but your understanding is more important.

How and why we need to forgive others

For more detailed explanation on Why we need to forgive others and How to forgive others, please refer the book: “Forgiveness How and Why”, written by Naran S. Balakumar.

Jay

I have a problem letting go or forgiving people. Is there any switch word for it?

Naran

If you don’t do the forgiving exercise, you will undergo same emotions, even though situations may be different.

If you do not want to meet or interact with same people in future, Forgiving is the only way.

There is no shortcut for letting go the resentment and anger.

Do not act from ego; have higher perception and think that every event in our life is happening as per our desire. Before taking the birth, I want this life with these people to mend my life. But unfortunately after taking birth, we forget our commitment.  When the situation is created as per our desire, instead of learning lessons and moving forward, we get stuck and we refuse to forget or forgive.

What is the one that prevents you from forgiving? Release that and do it.

I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me. This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.

Jay

Do I just have to fill the name or action that upsets me?

Naran

 “I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me”.

Take a person with whom you are angry. Insert his or her name in the space given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.

Forgiving Exercise

Affirm, “I (your name) Robert forgive you Ashok (replace with name of the person to be forgiven). You please forgive me and release me”.

This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.

Write a list of persons with whom you are angry. Take one person out of that list. Insert his or her name in the affirmation given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.

Questions regarding Forgiveness Exercise

Nayana

I have two queries related to Forgiving exercise.

I have too many people to forgive in my life, so please guide me how to forgive them with once for all.

I see my husband is having so much resentment in his life with so many people but he doesn’t try to do any of the exercise to forgive and forget. So is there anything I can do on behalf of him, as it’s affecting my life all the time.

Naran

1. Take a list of all of them. Do the forgiving for all. Take one at a time. Chant 200 times for each.
2. You cannot do anything for somebody’s sake. What is your predominant thought or emotion when you deal with him? Release that one by one. If one goes, another will come. Release that also.

Learn how the Lord works!!!

Don’t forget to read till the last line please!!!

Once there was a sweeper in the Well Known temple and he was very sincere and devoted. Every time he saw thousands of devotees coming to take darshan of the Lord, he thought that the Lord is standing all the time and giving darshan and He must be feeling very tired. So one day very innocently he asked the Lord whether he can take the place of the Lord for a day so that the Lord can have some relief and rest. The Deity of Temple replied, “I do not mind taking a break. I will transform you like myself, but you must do one thing. You must just stand here like me, smile at everyone and just give benedictions. Do not interfere with anything and do not say anything. Remember you are the deity and you just have faith that I have a master plan for everything.” The sweeper agreed to this.

The next day the sweeper took the position of the deity and a rich man came and prayed to the Lord. He offered a nice donation and prayed that his business should be prosperous. While going, the rich man inadvertently left his wallet full of money right there. Now the sweeper in the form of deity could not call him and so he decided to control himself and keep quiet.

 Just then a poor man came and he put one coin in the Hundi and said that it was all he could afford and he prayed to the Lord that he should continue to be engaged in the Lord’s service. He also said that his family was in dire need of some basic needs but he left it to the good hands of the Lord to give some solution. When he opened his eyes, he saw the wallet left by the rich man. The poor man thanked the Lord for His kindness and took the wallet very innocently. The sweeper in the form of the Deity could not say anything and he had to just keep smiling.

 At that point a sailor walked in. He prayed for his safe journey as he was going on a long trip. Just then the rich man came with the police and said that somebody has stolen his wallet and seeing the sailor there, he asked the police to arrest him thinking that he might have taken it. Now the sweeper in the form of Deity wanted to say that the sailor is not the thief and he could not say and he was greatly frustrated. The sailor looked at the Lord and asked why he an innocent person is being punished. The rich man looked at the Lord and thanked Him for finding the thief. The sweeper in the deity form could no more tolerate and he thought that even if the real Lord had been here, he would have definitely interfered and hence he started speaking and said that the sailor is not the thief but it was the poor man who took away the wallet. The rich man was very thankful as also the sailor.

 In the night, the real Lord came and He asked the sweeper how the day was. The sweeper said, “I thought it would be easy, but now I know that your days are not easy, but I did one good thing.” Then he explained the whole episode to the Lord. The Lord became very upset on hearing this whereas the sweeper thought the Lord would appreciate him for the good deed done.

 The Lord asked, “Why did you not just stick to the plan? You had no faith in me. Do you think that I do not understand the hearts of all those who come here? All the donation which the rich man gave was all stolen money and it is only a fraction of what he really has and he wants me to reciprocate unlimitedly. The single coin offered by the poor man was the last coin he was having and he gave it to me out of faith. The sailor might not have done anything wrong, but if the sailor were to go in the ship that night he was about to die because of bad weather and instead if he is arrested he would be in the jail and he would have been saved form a greater calamity. The wallet should go to the poor man because he will use it in my service. I was going to reduce the rich man’s karma also by doing this and save the sailor also. But you cancelled everything because you thought you know my plan and you made your own plans.”

 God has plans and justice for everyone….we just have to have patience…………

 – From an email sent by MM Elango

We always do everything partially. We believe in God. We have trust in God. We have bakthi.  But nothing is total. We say we are surrendering. Only one part of the mind surrenders. The other parts will doubt and prevent our total surrender.

When we have total surrender we accept what is happening and when we accept instead of resisting, God’s plan is revealed. When you totally surrender, you will not question anything but witness anything that is happening.

Is it possible to reach that stage? I don’t know. But we have to try and keep on trying.

Daily Pray, “Let all parts of my mind surrender”. With this intention, chant the mantra, “Om Hum Namaha”. Hum is the bija mantra which will make one to surrender to god. All the inflexible resisting doubting parts will join the surrendering part. 

When you wake up in the morning say, “This is the God-given day. Whatever I do, I do it for him.”

Naran

My child is attached to my mother-in-law

In this world there are four rules:

• You don’t get what you desire or what you want.
• You get what you don’t desire or what you don’t want.

In between these two rules, how to create what we want?

• To get what you want, accept what you get. When you accept what you get, you like what you get.
• When you like what you get, you get what you want.

A case history

Radha

My in-laws came here last Sunday. From the day they came here, my three-year old daughter Hema wants all her work to be done by my mother in-law. That actually doesn’t bother me.

However, I like to sleep with Hema. It so happened today that she wants to sleep with my MIL, instead of sleeping with me. I felt really bad that Hema does not understand my feelings and is avoiding me. I felt, ‘Am I not giving enough love to her?”

My MIL feels really happy when Hema ignores me and says that she wants to be with my in-laws.

Now I’m hurt that Hema is totally ignoring me and doesn’t want to sleep with me!

Naran

There is no motive for any child to behave rudely. It is natural that all the children want to be with their grand parents. Go to my blog and read the story of Mangala on Bach Flower CD:  http://healbymeditation.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/meditation-on-bach-flowers/

Allow the child to be as she is. The more and more you want your child to be with you, at the same time have a grudge against your mother in law the child will be drawn to her only.

• Chant the switch words, “Together Divine”
• Also, take the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Chicory. Give it to your MIL also. Put Walnut and Willow in the common water.
• Tap on yourself (all the points) continuously whenever you find time and affirm, “I accept totally what is happening to me. Love Thanks Divine.”

Suffering mentally is optional. Whenever we accept what is happening, we get a new meaning to our life and at the same time, whatever we wish will happen automatically.

Radha

When my MIL laughs and speaks that my kid is very much attached to her rather than me, then I get the grudge on her. She has once told our family members, in front of me, that she wants my kid to be attached to her rather than me. I was hurt with her words. You may think that I’m blaming her. This is the fact and this is how she spoke.

Anyhow let me try chanting the affirmations and let you know.

Naran

What we do normally when we are wounded or hurt. We may grudge, blame, curse dislike and become furious. All these emotions get outside our auric field, get clogged in the atmosphere and influence or affect us because we draw the same energy from the atmosphere.

Moreover constant and consistent undesirable emotions of this type may travel and join similar emotions in the world, paving way for violence, murder etc. Thus, we contribute indirectly to the violent world outside. Do you want to hold on to these emotions?

Another way is just to accept and ignore wherever possible, the comments made by your MIL.

Affirm to yourself, “Hurting others is her (MIL) nature. Loving and becoming lovable (whatever may be the provocation) is my nature”. If you practise this (very difficult), she will also change.

Changing yourself should be your goal. Take it as a challenge.

Do a lot of forgiving exercise. This will give you more power.

Take the remedies. You will understand.