“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda
Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?
In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown, one either feels angry or feels depressed or worried.
What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?
If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself? Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.
If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?
- Ask a simple question to yourself. What do I want?
- What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
- What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
- On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?
If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.
But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.
In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.
If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.
The disadvantages of being in a state of victim
The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.
A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim. Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?
- Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
- Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.
Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.
This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.
We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.
From the “I Love Myself” Workbook
Do the following exercise
What should you eat and what you should not eat. Make a list and follow that to the core.
Sometimes body does not accept certain types of food. Yet, we try to eat the same food again and again.
Instead you have to prepare a list of items which you can eat and list out all those which your body does not accept.
When you prepare the list you are giving a commitment to your body and you need to follow that.
- Another thing is that whatever ways you behave outside we behave in the same manner with the body too. “I should not say this because the other person will be wounded”. Thinking like this, to please him, we tell a lie.
When you can’t meet a commitment, don’t make one
Suppose someone invites us for wedding. To please him we say that we will come definitely. But, we do not go to the wedding at all. I have also committed such mistakes.
Later on I found out that when I say something it is not a commitment to that person but it is a commitment to the God. I questioned myself, “Am I cheating the universe”?
Then I decided to tell the truth. If I am able to go I will say yes. Otherwise, I will say that I will not be able to make it.
Like that if you tell me that you are meeting me next week then it means that you are not making a commitment to me but you are committing to the Universe.
Commitment to our body
If one food is not being accepted by the body, we tell that I should not eat this food again. This is a commitment that you are giving to the Universe.
Next time when we eat that food again then we are breaking our own commitment.
The Universe is always watching all of us because it is the web of life. If I have to get my food at 1 p.m., it is already decided that it will come from a particular person.
By restraining yourself by not eating certain food, you are honoring your own body.
We have left one of our flats for rents. It has one mango tree and another one a coconut tree. In the past, the coconuts have fallen down and broke the windows, thought nobody got hurt. We are worried now that it may hurt the tenant.
We are wondering whether to cut the trees or to put a shed. If we put the shed, then there will be less visibility and air. However, we don’t want the cut the trees, which had been there with us for more than 35 years.
Trees are our life. It provides not just air, but keeps the ground in one place, providing stability of land. Because, so much trees are felled these days, we get earth quakes, Tsunamis and floods as nature is trying to correct the imbalances created by human beings.
In addition, never a coconut will fall directly over a human being, while the dried trunks might fall on us. Arrange a person to remove these trunks once in three months or so.
Trees are our blessings from god. Don’t fell it.
I want to cut a tree which is causing a lot of nuisance
I need some mantra or remedy to cut a tree which is causing a lot of nuisance. Our neighbors are not allowing us to cut it. It is on the road somewhere in between our gate and neighbor’s gate.
The problem is that the dried leaves, branches and many bird droppings fall in our compound. First of all no water in our area and it becomes a problem to clean all these things.
Chant “SWEET CHESTNUT, ROCK ROSE, WILD ROSE” for getting water.
By all means, clean your house of the birds’ excreta, by chanting “WILLOW, CHANGE DIVINE ORDER”.
Don’t fell the tree.
I like your blog. In fact, I wait for new articles but I feel something to say.
My aim is not to hurt anyone but when I read something like ‘We want share from in-laws to purchase property and please tell us some mantra’, I wanted to ask the questions.
After taking their share, you know, in these times, who does care for the parents? How could you know their intention?
Very interesting question!
I need not know the intention. The suggestion of any mantra or Bach flower remedies is not to get the share or what one wants. By chanting the mantra or words, one evolves mentally to have a higher perception.
Let us see the comment below, where they want a share of their in-laws property.
Currently we are facing plenty of problems in our rented house. I need my husband’s share from my in-laws to purchase one on our own. Please suggest remedies so that in-laws should give our share whole-heartedly themselves.
Chant ‘BALSAM, CHICORY’ as many times as possible
The reasons for giving those remedies were:
By chanting Balsam and Chicory, our hearts will open up by going beyond material possessions. As a by-product, one might get their due share too.
Why we need to heal the person instead of directly helping them to acquire their share?
If they don’t get healed then they will face a similar situation in the future or in their next life-time(s). By healing themselves, they will avoid such situations.
When Prahaladha asked Lord Narayanan to give him the blessings of chanting the name of Narayanan always, he was given that blessing along with the boon that his past seven generations as well as his future generations will attain Moksha (heaven). On top of that, he was given the boon to rule his kingdom for 10,000 years.
This is my intention – to heal the person. The rest of the material aspects will follow them automatically, without fail. However, that is not my Intention!!!
For more detailed explanation on Why we need to forgive others and How to forgive others, please refer the book: “Forgiveness How and Why”, written by Naran S. Balakumar.
I have a problem letting go or forgiving people. Is there any switch word for it?
If you don’t do the forgiving exercise, you will undergo same emotions, even though situations may be different.
If you do not want to meet or interact with same people in future, Forgiving is the only way.
There is no shortcut for letting go the resentment and anger.
Do not act from ego; have higher perception and think that every event in our life is happening as per our desire. Before taking the birth, I want this life with these people to mend my life. But unfortunately after taking birth, we forget our commitment. When the situation is created as per our desire, instead of learning lessons and moving forward, we get stuck and we refuse to forget or forgive.
What is the one that prevents you from forgiving? Release that and do it.
I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me. This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.
Do I just have to fill the name or action that upsets me?
“I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me”.
Take a person with whom you are angry. Insert his or her name in the space given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.
Affirm, “I (your name) Robert forgive you Ashok (replace with name of the person to be forgiven). You please forgive me and release me”.
This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.
Write a list of persons with whom you are angry. Take one person out of that list. Insert his or her name in the affirmation given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.
Questions regarding Forgiveness Exercise
I have two queries related to Forgiving exercise.
I have too many people to forgive in my life, so please guide me how to forgive them with once for all.
I see my husband is having so much resentment in his life with so many people but he doesn’t try to do any of the exercise to forgive and forget. So is there anything I can do on behalf of him, as it’s affecting my life all the time.
- Take a list of all of them. Do the forgiving for all. Take one at a time. Chant 200 times for each.
- You cannot do anything for somebody’s sake. What is your predominant thought or emotion when you deal with him? Release that one by one. If one goes, another will come. Release that also.