“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda
Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?
In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown, one either feels angry or feels depressed or worried.
What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?
If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself? Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.
If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?
- Ask a simple question to yourself. What do I want?
- What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
- What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
- On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?
If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.
But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.
In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.
If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.
The disadvantages of being in a state of victim
The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.
A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim. Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?
- Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
- Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.
Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.
This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.
We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.
Some time ago I explained to you about some sexual harassment that I was suffering, from near my home. You asked me to forgive them and it worked. They are no longer around blocking my path.
Unfortunately now – post clearing resistance to love – one of them has decided he is in love with me. Naran please help me I do not want this!
I feel like this may have been why I originally created the tendency not to receive love from people to avoid unwanted advances. This man is too old for me and not at all what I had in mind.
Please help me! I do not want to receive love from inappropriate places. I want to continue to be open to receiving love that does not make me feel bad.
Do the forgiving exercise for this man.
Say “I thank you old man for keeping away from me” three times daily.
Okay. I will do. What is the root cause of this? I feel I am always in this type of situation. It makes me become a separatist. I’m tired of it!
Grace, let us NOT think about why this is happening (and allow our ego to play games).
Heal as and when the situation arises. Release all your anger and resentment.
You can take a paper and write down your anger stories. Go on writing without reading what you wrote. Burn the paper or dip the paper in water and tear it.
Do the same for the second day and so on, until you feel that there is nothing to write.
I want to let you know that the man who was bothering me has lessened his advances. This is unprecedented. I will continue to thank and forgive until it stops.
I have not yet done the writing out exercise but I will try soon. Step by step everything is working.
Purpose of giving the forgiving exercise to Grace
A couple of questions had come to me asking why they should ask for forgiveness, when others have done the mistake.
I hope the above story will convince you now. Anyway, I will offer some explanation here.
Don’t take any words literally (I will post few articles on this topic).
When we do the forgiving exercise, we break off from our problem situation.
Otherwise, our thoughts and feelings about the situation – I mean our connection to the problem situation, will sustain it further.
For more detailed explanation on Why we need to forgive others and How to forgive others, please refer the book: “Forgiveness How and Why”, written by Naran S. Balakumar.
I have a problem letting go or forgiving people. Is there any switch word for it?
If you don’t do the forgiving exercise, you will undergo same emotions, even though situations may be different.
If you do not want to meet or interact with same people in future, Forgiving is the only way.
There is no shortcut for letting go the resentment and anger.
Do not act from ego; have higher perception and think that every event in our life is happening as per our desire. Before taking the birth, I want this life with these people to mend my life. But unfortunately after taking birth, we forget our commitment. When the situation is created as per our desire, instead of learning lessons and moving forward, we get stuck and we refuse to forget or forgive.
What is the one that prevents you from forgiving? Release that and do it.
I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me. This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.
Do I just have to fill the name or action that upsets me?
“I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me”.
Take a person with whom you are angry. Insert his or her name in the space given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.
Affirm, “I (your name) Robert forgive you Ashok (replace with name of the person to be forgiven). You please forgive me and release me”.
This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.
Write a list of persons with whom you are angry. Take one person out of that list. Insert his or her name in the affirmation given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.
Questions regarding Forgiveness Exercise
I have two queries related to Forgiving exercise.
I have too many people to forgive in my life, so please guide me how to forgive them with once for all.
I see my husband is having so much resentment in his life with so many people but he doesn’t try to do any of the exercise to forgive and forget. So is there anything I can do on behalf of him, as it’s affecting my life all the time.
- Take a list of all of them. Do the forgiving for all. Take one at a time. Chant 200 times for each.
- You cannot do anything for somebody’s sake. What is your predominant thought or emotion when you deal with him? Release that one by one. If one goes, another will come. Release that also.