- Reflect on your life.
- Find in what situation you blamed others. Forgive them.
Who is the controller of your life?
Is it me? You cannot control your life. If you fall down you will have to go to the hospital. I do not have control. Then what is the meaning of this statement. When I surrender to the Divinity only, I will take control of my life.
Let us go deeper now. I am not the doer and Divine is the doer. This we will accept lovingly.
Here we have to cultivate the habit that you are not the doer. What happens when I am the doer? Everything will be wrong then. But everything goes right when you think that Divine is the doer. When you think that Divine is the doer, there will be surrender.
A tendency to blame others
We always have the tendency to blame others. We say, “I didn’t have proper sleep because my wife always disturbs me,” When there is no power supply we blame the government. When I am hurt in an accident, we say, “I was properly walking but that auto fellow came and hit me”.
In ordinary life, for each and every situation or event we will be blaming others. Who is spoiling me in my life? When you blame others you have to remember that he is also not the doer. Nobody is responsible for this.
When I am not the doer we happily accept that. When your work is blocked or delayed, the divine is waiting for the right time and he is the doer. When you bring this thinking you can take control of your life.
“My Mother is the cause of my husband’s death”, a case history
One mother and daughter are there. Daughter is married and more than 45 years old, living in a foreign country. About five years back her father expired. The mother has three daughters and all are away.
Mother used to disturb the daughters telling that somebody has to come and look after her. In their caste only the daughter has to look after the mother it seems. I asked the daughter to cut the cord (between the mother and her).
One day, the mother asked the daughter, “Suppose if your husband dies, whether you will come back to me”. The son-in-law died after three months. From then on the daughter could not forgive her mother at all. Whenever she sees her mother she becomes angry. But that lady is a philosophical lady.
The daughter came to me and told that even after taking the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Willow she could not be alright. I told her that Holly and Willow say to you that you have to change your attitude.
When you say that you are not the doer, then you think that your mother is also not the doer. Keep chanting. “I am not the doer, she is not the doer and Divine is the doer”. After chanting this for one hour her heart became lighter. For the next two days she was chanting this and she became completely alright.
Till such time you are blaming others you are not in control of your life. So, whatever may be the problem, think that the Divine is the doer! The problem will be solved automatically. Then only you can take control of your life.
Posted in Affirmations, Bach Flower Remedy, Family, Forgiveness, Life
Tags: about, Accept, accident, angry, Attitude, auto, automatically, “Divine is the doer”, “I am not the doer”, Bach flower remedies, became, blame, blamed, blaming, blocked, case history, Cause, change, control, controller, cord, country, cultivate, daughter, daughters, death, delayed, died, dies, disturbs, Divine, divinity, doer, down, event, expired, fall, father, Find, Find Life Answers, for, foreign, Forgive, government, Habit, happily, heart, hit, holly, hospital, Hurt, husband, I, Life, lighter, living, Love, lovingly, married, meaning, mother, my, Naran S. Balakumar, no, of, on, others, philosophical, power, problem, proper, Reflect, responsible, right, situation, sleep, solved, son-in-law, spoiling, supply, surrender, take, taking, tendency, think, time, to, waiting, wife, Willow, work, wrong, your
“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda
Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?
In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown, one either feels angry or feels depressed or worried.
What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?
If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself? Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.
If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?
- Ask a simple question to yourself. What do I want?
- What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
- What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
- On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?
If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.
But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.
In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.
If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.
The disadvantages of being in a state of victim
The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.
A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim. Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?
- Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
- Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.
Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.
This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.
We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.
Posted in Ask right questions, Forgiveness
Tags: achieve, action, affection, aim, and, angry, appropriate, Attitude, away, “Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached”, “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”, behavior, blamed, blunder, care, change, confronted, correct, courage, course, decide, depressed, desired, disadvantages, disharmony, Ego, emotions, Endurance, expression, fail, Family, feels, Find, Find Life Answers, Forgiveness, fortitude, Forward, giving, Goal, gratitude, hang, Happiness, harmony, hidden, interfere, is, Itcha, kindness, Kriya, Life, logic, longing, Love, meant, mentality, Mind, misunderstood, moral, Move, Naran S. Balakumar, need, of, on, opposed, other, overthrown, person, prevents, progress, purchase, question, receiving, reminder, resentment, responsible, sadness, Sakthi, seek, simple, situation, State, Swami Vivekananda, tackled, take, thoughts, time, to, towards, understanding, upset, victim, want, What, will, worried
My husband has been having extra marital affairs with many women (about 14 to date) for the past 12 years. He gets into a rage when I question him. He sees 3 women on diff days. He makes me miserable and depressed.
He runs his own business. All his customers/friends cover up and book the hotels on their name for him. He tells me he is at a meeting but goes and sleeps with women.
He has divorced me last year and blames me all the time but we are living together for my kids’ sake. He compares me to other women and makes me insecure. He tells me that he can find many super models and sleep with them and I can’t do anything because we are divorced.
I got nothing; I resigned from work last year because I had a nervous breakdown. He is having a complete makeover even to the extent of skin whitening. My in-laws hate me and they’ve been doing black magic to me because they want everything I worked hard for. They are responsible for him being that way. They encourage him to do wrong and they turn my kids against me. My mother-in-law puts things in the food for us to fight but my ex doesn’t see it.
I pray so hard for all those women to get caught with him but I feel I’m not winning. All I want is my husband, kids, peace and happiness back. He must stop sleeping around. Pls help me.
Don’t see anything outside. See within.
Address your emotions. The same emotional state will bring the same results outside. Without changing your state of mind, you cannot affect an iota of change outside in anybody.
Only higher emotions like forgiveness, love will help you.
Your present emotional state, every second alters your inside chemistry and your nervous breakdown vindicates that.
When do our nerves (communication channel) break down? When you ignore the message of the body? You have a nervous breakdown because you are unable to bear what is happening around you.
But your body wants you “to bear”, to endure”. Endurance only will bring in what you want.
Having vengeance will bring in more vengeance. Having hatred will make others hate you more.
“Can they not be taught a lesson?” This thought will teach “you” a lesson.
“Will they not change?” The body asks back to you, “Will you not change?”
“Will I not win?” Win yourself first. Win your emotions and thoughts first. Evolve with higher emotions. You will win.
Life is not a war to win or lose. Life is love – giving and receiving – transaction of love. Give even when you don’t receive. Think anything as an issue to be handled with love. Bring peace to the war going on within.
This alone will help you. Concentrate on something else.
Chant “QUIET MIND, OPEN HEART, RELAX”, daily 1000 times.
Posted in Affirmations, Family, Forgiveness, Life
Tags: 1000, 12, 14, 3, Address, affairs, alone, alters, “You can change your spouse”, be, bear, black magic, blames, Body, book, break, breakdown, business, can, caught, change, changing, channel, chant, chemistry, communication, compares, complete, Concentrate, cover, customers, daily, date, depressed, divorced, effect, Emotional, emotions, encourage, Endurance, endure, even, Evolve, extra, Fight, Find, first, food, Forgiveness, friends, give, giving, handled, Happiness, hard, hate, hatred, heart, Help, higher, hotels, husband, ignore, in-laws, insecure, iota, issue, kids’, last, lesson, Life, living, lose, Love, makeover, marital, meeting, message, Mind, miserable, models, mother-in-law, name, Naran S. Balakumar, nerves, nervous, on, OPEN, outside, own, past, Peace, pray, present, question, quiet, R Mohan, rage, receive, receiving, relax, resigned, responsible, results, runs, sake, second, see, skin, sleeps, spouse, State, super, taught, teach, think, thought, thoughts, time, times, Together, transaction, turn, unable, up, vengeance, vindicates, want, wants, war, way, whitening, will, win, winning, with, within, women, work, worked, wrong, years