- Reflect on your life.
- Find in what situation you blamed others. Forgive them.
Who is the controller of your life?
Is it me? You cannot control your life. If you fall down you will have to go to the hospital. I do not have control. Then what is the meaning of this statement. When I surrender to the Divinity only, I will take control of my life.
Let us go deeper now. I am not the doer and Divine is the doer. This we will accept lovingly.
Here we have to cultivate the habit that you are not the doer. What happens when I am the doer? Everything will be wrong then. But everything goes right when you think that Divine is the doer. When you think that Divine is the doer, there will be surrender.
A tendency to blame others
We always have the tendency to blame others. We say, “I didn’t have proper sleep because my wife always disturbs me,” When there is no power supply we blame the government. When I am hurt in an accident, we say, “I was properly walking but that auto fellow came and hit me”.
In ordinary life, for each and every situation or event we will be blaming others. Who is spoiling me in my life? When you blame others you have to remember that he is also not the doer. Nobody is responsible for this.
When I am not the doer we happily accept that. When your work is blocked or delayed, the divine is waiting for the right time and he is the doer. When you bring this thinking you can take control of your life.
“My Mother is the cause of my husband’s death”, a case history
One mother and daughter are there. Daughter is married and more than 45 years old, living in a foreign country. About five years back her father expired. The mother has three daughters and all are away.
Mother used to disturb the daughters telling that somebody has to come and look after her. In their caste only the daughter has to look after the mother it seems. I asked the daughter to cut the cord (between the mother and her).
One day, the mother asked the daughter, “Suppose if your husband dies, whether you will come back to me”. The son-in-law died after three months. From then on the daughter could not forgive her mother at all. Whenever she sees her mother she becomes angry. But that lady is a philosophical lady.
The daughter came to me and told that even after taking the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Willow she could not be alright. I told her that Holly and Willow say to you that you have to change your attitude.
When you say that you are not the doer, then you think that your mother is also not the doer. Keep chanting. “I am not the doer, she is not the doer and Divine is the doer”. After chanting this for one hour her heart became lighter. For the next two days she was chanting this and she became completely alright.
Till such time you are blaming others you are not in control of your life. So, whatever may be the problem, think that the Divine is the doer! The problem will be solved automatically. Then only you can take control of your life.
“Arise Awake and Stop Not Till the Goal is Reached” – Swami Vivekananda
Who is to be blamed if there is no harmony within the family?
In any situation, when one finds oneself opposed, confronted, misunderstood, blamed or being overthrown, one either feels angry or feels depressed or worried.
What is to be tackled here – your mind or him? Everybody wants to change the other person. What is the hidden situation here?
If you want the other person to change, should you not think about changing yourself? Without ourselves changing, we cannot change others.
If there is disharmony then both are responsible for that and both have to change. This is simple logic.
How to purchase the harmony I seek in my life?
- Ask a simple question to yourself. What do I want?
- What emotions or thoughts I need to have so that I can achieve what I want?
- What behavior of mine or my action will take me – move, towards this goal?
- On the other hand, what state of mind will take me away from my goal – my anger or forgiveness, my worry or my endurance (giving love in spite of not receiving), and my sadness or my fortitude?
If you are 100% sure that your anger or resentment or longing for love, care, affection can take you to harmony or the desired goal, you can have anything.
But once you decide (Itcha Sakthi) that only my endurance or forgiveness can achieve my goal then take the appropriate action (Kriya Sakthi) that is conducive to the goal of harmony, love and understanding.
In other words, your thought, your expression, and your behavior should be conducive towards your goal.
If you think that forgiveness, love and gratitude can achieve this, bring them in your thoughts, expressions and behavior.
The disadvantages of being in a state of victim
The only thing that may interfere in your progress is your ego.
A state of mind which cannot achieve what is desired is a state of victim. Having known that this victim state cannot achieve, why do you hang on to it?
- Not knowing that my state of mind prevents me from achieving my aim is the first blunder.
- Having known that a particular state of mind – victim mentality, cannot achieve what you want and doing nothing about it is the second blunder.
Once you come to know that forgiveness alone, endurance alone, kindness and gratitude alone, can achieve what you want, then go all out for that, with full of courage and moral will.
This is what I meant when I said “BRING IN INTERNAL CHANGE”.
We may fail in the course of time. But don’t be upset over failure. Failure is just a reminder to correct our attitude and move forward.
From the “I Love Myself” Workbook
Do the following exercise
What should you eat and what you should not eat. Make a list and follow that to the core.
Sometimes body does not accept certain types of food. Yet, we try to eat the same food again and again.
Instead you have to prepare a list of items which you can eat and list out all those which your body does not accept.
When you prepare the list you are giving a commitment to your body and you need to follow that.
- Another thing is that whatever ways you behave outside we behave in the same manner with the body too. “I should not say this because the other person will be wounded”. Thinking like this, to please him, we tell a lie.
When you can’t meet a commitment, don’t make one
Suppose someone invites us for wedding. To please him we say that we will come definitely. But, we do not go to the wedding at all. I have also committed such mistakes.
Later on I found out that when I say something it is not a commitment to that person but it is a commitment to the God. I questioned myself, “Am I cheating the universe”?
Then I decided to tell the truth. If I am able to go I will say yes. Otherwise, I will say that I will not be able to make it.
Like that if you tell me that you are meeting me next week then it means that you are not making a commitment to me but you are committing to the Universe.
Commitment to our body
If one food is not being accepted by the body, we tell that I should not eat this food again. This is a commitment that you are giving to the Universe.
Next time when we eat that food again then we are breaking our own commitment.
The Universe is always watching all of us because it is the web of life. If I have to get my food at 1 p.m., it is already decided that it will come from a particular person.
By restraining yourself by not eating certain food, you are honoring your own body.