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How and why we need to forgive others

For more detailed explanation on Why we need to forgive others and How to forgive others, please refer the book: “Forgiveness How and Why”, written by Naran S. Balakumar.

Jay

I have a problem letting go or forgiving people. Is there any switch word for it?

Naran

If you don’t do the forgiving exercise, you will undergo same emotions, even though situations may be different.

If you do not want to meet or interact with same people in future, Forgiving is the only way.

There is no shortcut for letting go the resentment and anger.

Do not act from ego; have higher perception and think that every event in our life is happening as per our desire. Before taking the birth, I want this life with these people to mend my life. But unfortunately after taking birth, we forget our commitment.  When the situation is created as per our desire, instead of learning lessons and moving forward, we get stuck and we refuse to forget or forgive.

What is the one that prevents you from forgiving? Release that and do it.

I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me. This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.

Jay

Do I just have to fill the name or action that upsets me?

Naran

 “I Jay forgive you —–(name of the person). You please forgive me and release me”.

Take a person with whom you are angry. Insert his or her name in the space given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.

Forgiving Exercise

Affirm, “I (your name) Robert forgive you Ashok (replace with name of the person to be forgiven). You please forgive me and release me”.

This can be done mechanically without the involvement of the heart.

Write a list of persons with whom you are angry. Take one person out of that list. Insert his or her name in the affirmation given above. Chant the same for 200 times a day.

Questions regarding Forgiveness Exercise

Nayana

I have two queries related to Forgiving exercise.

I have too many people to forgive in my life, so please guide me how to forgive them with once for all.

I see my husband is having so much resentment in his life with so many people but he doesn’t try to do any of the exercise to forgive and forget. So is there anything I can do on behalf of him, as it’s affecting my life all the time.

Naran

  1. Take a list of all of them. Do the forgiving for all. Take one at a time. Chant 200 times for each.
  2. You cannot do anything for somebody’s sake. What is your predominant thought or emotion when you deal with him? Release that one by one. If one goes, another will come. Release that also.
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My child is attached to my mother-in-law

In this world there are four rules:

  • You don’t get what you desire or what you want.
  • You get what you don’t desire or what you don’t want.

In between these two rules, how to create what we want?

  • To get what you want, accept what you get. When you accept what you get, you like what you get.
  • When you like what you get, you get what you want.

A case history

Radha

My in-laws came here last Sunday. From the day they came here, my three-year old daughter Hema wants all her work to be done by my mother in-law. That actually doesn’t bother me.

However, I like to sleep with Hema. It so happened today that she wants to sleep with my MIL, instead of sleeping with me. I felt really bad that Hema does not understand my feelings and is avoiding me. I felt, ‘Am I not giving enough love to her?”

My MIL feels really happy when Hema ignores me and says that she wants to be with my in-laws.

Now I’m hurt that Hema is totally ignoring me and doesn’t want to sleep with me!

Naran

There is no motive for any child to behave rudely. It is natural that all the children want to be with their grand parents. Go to my blog and read the story of Mangala on Bach Flower CD:  http://healbymeditation.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/meditation-on-bach-flowers/

Allow the child to be as she is. The more and more you want your child to be with you, at the same time have a grudge against your mother in law the child will be drawn to her only.

  • Chant the switch words, “Together Divine”
  • Also, take the Bach Flower Remedies Holly and Chicory. Give it to your MIL also. Put Walnut and Willow in the common water.
  • Tap on yourself (all the points) continuously whenever you find time and affirm, “I accept totally what is happening to me. Love Thanks Divine.”

Suffering mentally is optional. Whenever we accept what is happening, we get a new meaning to our life and at the same time, whatever we wish will happen automatically.

Radha

When my MIL laughs and speaks that my kid is very much attached to her rather than me, then I get the grudge on her. She has once told our family members, in front of me, that she wants my kid to be attached to her rather than me. I was hurt with her words. You may think that I’m blaming her. This is the fact and this is how she spoke.

Anyhow let me try chanting the affirmations and let you know.

Naran

What we do normally when we are wounded or hurt. We may grudge, blame, curse dislike and become furious. All these emotions get outside our auric field, get clogged in the atmosphere and influence or affect us because we draw the same energy from the atmosphere.

Moreover constant and consistent undesirable emotions of this type may travel and join similar emotions in the world, paving way for violence, murder etc. Thus, we contribute indirectly to the violent world outside. Do you want to hold on to these emotions?

Another way is just to accept and ignore wherever possible, the comments made by your MIL.

Affirm to yourself, “Hurting others is her (MIL) nature. Loving and becoming lovable (whatever may be the provocation) is my nature”. If you practise this (very difficult), she will also change.

Changing yourself should be your goal. Take it as a challenge.

Do a lot of forgiving exercise. This will give you more power.

Take the remedies. You will understand.

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